A Desperate Longing Read online

  “Excuse me, my sister is waving at me to hurry,” Kacy said. “Livia, you played a good game today. I’ll see you at the pizza house.”

  “Okay.” Livia grinned.

  “Mr. Knight, about before—” She looked at Livia, unable to explain her behavior to Gulliver in front of the child.

  “We all get a little flustered at times. Don’t worry about it.” He winked.

  Kacy smiled, thankful for his understanding. She walked toward her sister, and halfway there, she considered glancing back at him. If she didn’t think he was watching her, she would have.

  “Come on, Kacy, before Andy drives me crazy,” Virginia called to her.

  “All right, already. It’s not like they’ll run out of pizza.”

  She didn’t know what made her look in the car she passed—a sixth sense of caution, maybe. Cocking her head, she got a better view of the back seat. In plain sight, a black ski mask lay on the gray leather upholstery. Fear rushed through her with an icy chill and Kacy twirled like a ballerina, scanning her surroundings. Whoever owned this vehicle would be just the man she never wanted to meet again.

  Running toward Virginia, she grabbed the door handle to her sister’s car.

  “Kacy?” Virginia took her arm. “Kacy what is it? What’s wrong?”

  “He’s here somewhere.” She got in and locked the door.

  Virginia climbed in on the driver’s side.

  “We have to leave before he sees you. He can’t know you’re my sister.”

  “Who, Kacy?” Virginia started the engine. “Kacy who are you talking about?”

  “He’s here,” Kacy repeated.

  Virginia drove the car out of the hot, dusty parking lot. Kacy wanted to close her eyes, yet she had to stay alert. The man had finally come for her. She knew he would look for her. His obsession with her seemed that great. The evil man wanting her to be his submissive plaything would not give up.

  He had tried to break her spirit. But this time things would go much differently because she was on guard.

  Chapter Three

  The click of fingernails on the table drove Kacy crazy. But when she looked down, she saw it was her own short, filed tips drumming the imitation butcher-block surface.

  “Don’t you like your pizza, Aunt Kacy?” Andy asked.

  “Oh, I like it, sweetie, I’m just not very hungry. You’re all finished?” She slid her plate over. “Here, you can have mine.” She smiled, as she always did for Andy, and stood to go to the restroom.

  The same car from the ballpark, the one with the ski mask in the backseat, drew her attention. Gulliver Knight emerged and walked around to open the door for his niece. Something propelled her out the door of the pizza shop. Though her inner fears usually numbed her, she advanced on Gulliver in a hurry.

  “Don’t touch her.” Kacy grabbed Livia’s hand and pulled her away.

  “Miss Carwell you’re frightening Livia,” Gulliver said calmly, holding his hands up slightly.

  “I won’t let you hurt her,” she exclaimed, ready to fight him.

  “Miss Carwell, think about what you’re saying, what you’re doing and where,” he suggested quietly. “Let her go to her father.”

  Kacy turned her gaze toward the coach’s car as it pulled into a parking slot on the far side of Gulliver’s. The sporty red thing symbolized immaturity—a toy for a boy, not an adult man who should be concerned about who he handed his daughter over to.

  “What’s going on?” The coach jumped out of his car and ran over to them.

  "Go to your father," Kacy commanded the wide-eyed child.

  Livia ran to Allen and behind him. Kacy didn’t want to frighten the girl, but there was no calm way of intervening.

  “Nothing, Allen,” Gulliver answered. “Miss Carwell is a little confused. Just give her a minute to think.” He remained poised, as if it were an everyday occurrence to be accosted.

  “Allen, he has a ski mask in his car. I saw it,” Kacy charged, trying not to let Gulliver’s composure disrupt her thinking.

  Slowly she became aware of patrons coming out of the pizza place to gawk just like rubbernecks at accidents. The wafting odor of pepperoni swirled into her nostrils. For some reason it didn’t help her to feel safe to have so many people near. Her psychologist called it paranoia. She called it guardedness.

  “Allen, please look,” she begged.

  Allen stepped off the curb and went to the car. He glanced in both the front and the back seats before shaking his head at her. “I don’t see anything, Kacy. Come show me where?”

  Her gaze darted between Allen and Gulliver. She wanted Allen to see what she did and confirm her suspicions. At the same time, no one would know how tricky her attacker had been or could be. She’d be the only one to see the man through the eyes of a victim. When Gulliver gradually moved away from his car, leaving her a clear path, she felt strangely appreciative for his gesture—he’d given her the space she needed.

  “I don’t have a ski mask, Miss Carwell. You can dismantle the whole vehicle if you’d like to make sure.” He rose on his toes and looked for himself.

  She took his action as oddly reassuring. Her brain began mental calculations of what could have happened, what she hoped were the circumstances. Someone could have planted a ski mask in his car to make him appear suspicious. She could have imagined the whole thing, and it wouldn’t be the first time. She hoped it was the case as Gulliver tethered her gaze with a tenderness she’d never felt from anyone.

  “You could have thrown it out,” she blurted, clenching her fists as she tried to get a grip on reality.

  “Allen, see what you can do to clear the area,” Gulliver said in a low voice as he approached her.

  Embarrassment heated her cheeks.

  “Miss Carwell, are you all right?” Gulliver’s sympathetic tone, his evident distress and his wrinkled brow calmed her.

  “Yes.” Kacy looked at him, perplexed. She had freaked out like an escapee from a loony bin and he still treated her with gracious understanding. The other people she went bonkers in front of were never as understanding.

  “Okay folks, nothing to see out here,” Allen announced. “It’s all a misunderstanding.” He waved his arms up and down as if he was herding sheep.

  Kacy couldn’t let go of her fears easily, yet everything in her heart wanted to reach for the compassion she perceived in a man she just met.

  “Go ahead and look all you want.” Gulliver’s slight smile reassured her that he didn’t mind.

  She turned away and searched the back, the front, under the seat, and even popped the trunk to feel around every crevice. Nothing, not a sliver of the mask lay exposed for her to find. While she wanted to insist she’d seen it, her mind crashed from exhaustion.

  “It’s not here.” Bending her knees, she lowered herself to a sitting position on the pavement alongside the car, feeling foolish.

  Gulliver squatted in front of her.

  “Are you all right now?”

  She nodded, wishing she could shrink to the size of an ant. She’d made a fool of herself in front of an attractive man. The ski mask wasn’t the first thing she had imagined. Her nightmares reinforced the vision of the man in black every time she closed her eyes.

  “How about we get you up off the ground?” He put a hand out but retracted it when she cringed.

  “Miss Carwell, I won’t hurt you.”

  She liked every detail of Gulliver’s face and, when he held his hand out again, she forced herself to act sane. Putting her fingers in his open palm was a big step. She shook from the toes up, and his grip tightened.

  Hardening her nerves against the fear swarming in her stiff limbs, she worked at getting to her feet and trusting Gulliver’s gentle care. Once he pulled her up, she retreated from his touch.

  “Kacy?” Virginia hurried to her. “Kacy, let’s take you home.”

  The second her fingers slipped free of Gulliver’s, she felt a sense of loss. She had a compelling need to hang
onto him and explain, apologize or say something to the man she had practically accused of being a serial rapist.

  Instead, she silently walked away.

  She glanced back at him and saw wrinkles in his forehead. No one ever gave her looks of empathy as if they shared her pain. Pity, yes. Everyone pitied poor distraught and crazy Kacy Carwell.

  “I’ll be right back, Virginia.” She pulled away from her sister, determined to make amends.

  Gulliver smiled politely at her approach and slid his hands into his trouser pockets, giving her a renewed sense of security. She treasured every considerate gesture he made because no stranger before had ever gone out of their way to make her feel safe.

  “Lunacy is not my normal mode, Mr. Knight,” she said, trying to explain the unexplainable. “I had a problem a while back and sometimes I actually do function like an ordinary person. Unfortunately today, I’ve fallen off my sanity wagon and I’m sorry.”

  “I’m pretty resilient, Miss Carwell. Allen told me what happened to you and I’m sorry. It wasn’t right, and I hope in the future my presence won’t make you uncomfortable.”

  Kacy just stared. She’d never told Allen the details of her problem. She was crazy, sure. Yet how many others knew what happened to her?

  “I assure you, I have great patience with people.” Gulliver continued. “I hope we can be friends.”

  Kacy swallowed hard. His suggestion that he would overlook her faults made her shiver. This sensation wove deep into her soul. Her body tingled—he’d touched her in a way she didn’t think she’d ever experience again.

  “Thank you.”

  “No problem. Everyone has their demons, and tolerance goes a long way. I hate thinking how someone could inflict pain on anyone, especially such a beautiful and obviously caring woman such as you.”

  Her nipples tightened and ached. She took a slow, deep breath.

  “It was horrific and I try not to let it control me. Some days I’m better than others.”

  “You’re hiding the hurt well. If you ever need to talk to anyone, I’ll be right next door.”

  Kacy swallowed. She didn’t like to think people gossiped about her, even though she knew it would be natural for them to do so. Of course, everyone would have forgotten by now if she didn’t keep reminding them by being a wacko. Gulliver knowing the truth, rather than letting him think she was a nutcase for no reason at all, seemed better. As for discussing the ordeal, she had never even told her sister everything.

  “Your house has been empty for a long time.” She steered away from the touchy subject of her sanity the best she could. “I’m not sure I’ll be a very good neighbor, but thank you for understanding now and in advance of what I may do in the future.”

  He smiled and she couldn’t stop her mouth from turning up as well. It had been a long time since she felt compelled to offer a genuine smile. It appeared that her wild fantasies of meeting someone weren’t mere whimsies of her brain.

  “It’s my first time owning a house. Allen doesn’t think I can run things on a big scale. He saw how I lived in my apartment. Maybe you could give me some hints from time to time?” His brown eyes twinkled.

  Kacy studied his features as she would a painting. Lines of maturity feathered from the corners of his eyes, and the creases along his mouth deepened with his smile. Though he was attractive beyond measure, he seemed extremely down to earth. Even the scar over his left brow appealed to her since she had scars of her own, and she connected emotionally with anyone that had old wounds. He had been hurt once and she hoped he might someday share that with her. She wanted to know his story and feel someone else’s pain for a change.

  “If you don’t mind talking to someone that hears, sees and imagines things that aren’t real, then sure, come by anytime with your house problems.”

  The major step of inviting a stranger to her house felt good—it felt right.

  “Thank you, Miss Carwell.”

  “Please, my name is Kacy.”

  “Yes, I remember.” He smiled at her puzzlement. “Your piece of mail in my mailbox?”

  “Oh, right. Our mailman does that often.” She laughed. “I think he’s in too much of a hurry.”

  “I tried catching him this morning, but he got away. The envelope didn’t look important, but I’ll get it back to you.”

  She nodded, unconcerned about junk mail.

  “I think they’re waiting for you.” Gulliver jerked his head at Virginia.

  Kacy looked at the sidewalk in front of the pizza place and her sister’s lifted brow.

  “Yes, I suppose I should go. Goodbye, Mr. Knight.”

  “Gulliver, or Gully,” he said as she started to walk away.

  Kacy glanced over her shoulder and the movement tossed her hair to the side and back. For a delightful moment, she felt as giddy as a teenager.

  “Goodbye, Gulliver.” She took quick steps to Virginia and Andy.

  “Are you all right, Kacy? Whatever happened to you just now?” Virginia questioned once they got in the car.

  “Oh, you know me. I just had one of those anxiety attacks. It’s nothing.”

  “It’s not nothing.”

  As Virginia drove away, Kacy took one last look in Gulliver’s direction. He watched her with an expression that made her stomach knot. For the first time in two years, sexual desire made her shaky.

  “He’s cute,” Virginia commented. “I bet he thinks you’re a few petals missing from a flower, though. Whatever got into you?”

  “Ginny I’m never going forget what happen to me. Instead of getting better, I’m getting worse and I don’t know why. I’ve moved across town. I’ve quit my job. I’ve stayed quietly out of the press and I’ve become a recluse.”

  “It all takes time, Kacy. That fellow you jumped all over for being in the wrong place at the wrong time didn’t seem too fazed by you going crazy. I bet if you gave him a chance, he’d like to get to know more about you.” She gave a reassuring smile. “Did you get his name?”

  “Gulliver,” she answered wistfully. “Gulliver Knight.”

  Suddenly, instead of sounding silly, his name drew her into a fairytale, the kind with a happily-ever-after. She’d love having him as her shining knight.

  “Kacy?”

  “Huh?” She blinked and let go of the fantasy.

  “I asked what else you know about him.”

  “He’s moved into the house next door to me.”

  Virginia’s eyes widened. “Lucky girl. Stud service within shouting distance. Who could want for anything more?”

  “You mean ‘unlucky man’.” She looked at her sister and then over the seat at Andy, who was in the back munching on pizza from the box.

  Virginia had such a nice life. Kacy envied her at times. Yet, not for all the money in the world would she ever wish to trade places and put her sister through the kind of trauma she’d experienced. She’d not wish it on a single soul—even her worst enemy.

  * * *

  The doorbell rang and Kacy hurried to answer it. She turned the knob and swung it open.

  “Gulliver?” A habit of checking the area made her glance outside around him. “You’ve got a problem already?”

  “No, I brought this.” His gaze swept past her into the room.

  “Oh.” She took the envelope from him. “Would you like to come in and have a cup of coffee? I’ve just made some.” She stepped back to invite him inside her sanctuary.

  She couldn’t remember ever letting someone over the threshold without knowing them beforehand for a while. For some strange reason she abandoned the prerequisite this time. Her initial, severe reaction to Gulliver required penance, and she wanted to get to know him better.

  “Sounds good, my stuff is still in boxes. There’s no telling how long it will take me to unpack and find my coffeemaker.” He followed her through the living room and into the kitchen.

  “I only have decaf I hope that’s all right?” She turned abruptly to face him. “I take it you’re no
t married? Or have a girlfriend that might help?”

  She didn’t think the question sounded too much like prying until it was out.

  “Nope. I’m all alone.”

  “Kids?” She delved further into his business.

  “None of those either.”

  She figured she had reached her limit of inquiring about his personal life. If he was divorced or just coming out of a relationship, she’d learn that later. His present single status was her only concern.

  “Is something wrong?” He took a step in retreat.

  Kacy smiled and shook her head. The funny sensation of experiencing trust for even a minute amazed her. It had been a long time since she’d put her back to anyone, even a friend. She probably shouldn’t have let Gulliver in the house, but her fears were gone, overridden by attraction.

  “Really, if you’re busy I can go.” He jerked his thumb in the direction of the front door. “I don’t want to interrupt anything.”

  “I wasn’t busy.” She lifted the coffeepot.

  “Wow, this is nice and bright.” He looked up at her kitchen skylight. “This would be great for seeing the stars at night, I bet.”

  “It is.”

  “I like to pick out the things I know, like the Little Dipper. I have trouble with the bigger one.”

  “You like to look at the stars?” She couldn’t contain the surprise in her voice.

  “Sure, I love them. I could do with this over my bed.” He leaned on the edge of the counter to look up.

  His neck stretched, twisted and craned in every imaginable direction to study her window to the heavens. While he was occupied with the outside world, she subtly observed him.

  “I thought the same thing and had one put in my bedroom ceiling for just that reason.” She looked up at the blue sky with him.

  “Well, maybe one night you’ll let me in your bed.” His gaze lowered to her.